Day 18: Sex on the First Date… the Teenage/Young Adult Edition

Sex education is one of those weird topics for parents. On TV, you see parents stammering and stumbling, trying to explain “the birds and the bees” or “body changes” and “urges.” In high school, my Science teacher rambled through reproduction; to this day, I have no idea what happened in that class. Yes, one class. It’s adorably awkward, and makes for great comedy… until it’s your turn to educate the next generation.

In Zimbabwe, educating a child about sex is frowned upon, because apparently you’ll be encouraging them to have sex. Well, after seeing a 14-year old with a newborn baby, and her boyfriend/baby daddy not a day above 18, I think silence about sex isn’t as discouraging as we think. In fact this study showed that moving from an abstinence-only to a comprehensive sex education curriculum led to a lower incidence of STIs in teenagers, as well as teenage pregnancy. It also led to a delay in sexual debut.

The above study was done in the USA, and probably doesn’t relate to us, so I scoured WHO and found this study, which had pretty similar findings. So… educating teens about sex education and condoms and the like does not encourage people to have sex. In fact, silence about sex puts our kids in a real difficult situation when issues surrounding sex pop up and they have absolutely no knowledge or part knowledge of sex.

Read the entire thread… then when you’re done laughing (it’s really funny)… understand the implication. I’m gonna pick out a few tweets.







I digress… I’m supposed to be writing about sex on the first date, and frankly, my answer to this when my kids start dating is… Don’t (They’ll start dating at 16 by the way, because, you know, legal age of consent and all that).

My reasons are extremely logical:

  • When one orgasms, they release a hormone called oxytocin, that bonds them to the person they had sex with. Who wants to bond to a one-night stand?
  • How do you know this person isn’t riddled with disease, STIs and the like? That’s when the condom talk will come in. Teaching them to put the condom on properly on a dildo. Yep, no bananas in this house!
  • Even with all the condom talk, what if they refuse? How will you handle that?
  • How do you know they’re not of violent tendencies when they don’t get what they want?

Sex, however, sometimes defies logic, especially in the younger people where the feelings are new and exciting and sometimes must be acted on! So here are my tips for safe dating and sex (on or before the first date). Everything I’ve written is unisex, they apply to both males and females:

  • ALWAYS have money in your purse (or wallet) for a cab, for your meal, airtime in your phone to call/text/Whatsapp, and a full battery. If you came with a car, there better be enough fuel to take you and your date home.
  • Have. A. Condom. Or two. Or three. Both of you. Don’t leave the other to be responsible for their sexuality, especially when you tweeted/Snapchatted/Instagrammed #gettinglaidtonight. Get your house (and genitalia) in order.
  • Use the condom. Use it! Use it correctly.
  • If something doesn’t feel right before, during or after the sex, you are allowed to up and leave. No one is under pressure to finish off sex, even if you are halfway. Yes, males AND females!!
  • Be open with each other as to where this is leading. If it’s just sex, fine. If it isn’t, fine. Talk about it. Zombieing and Ghosting is ridiculous. Expectations of exclusiveness when there is none on your part is ridiculous.

So, those are my tips. When I have a teenager, I will see if I do tell them all these things, or I’ll fall back on default settings and say, “No sex! Ever!!” I do believe in no sex before marriage, and I will try to instill that to my kids. I will also arm them with facts about sex and safe sex so they can make an informed decision about their sex life. My greatest desire is that they wait as long as possible, but if they don’t, let them have sex safely and have healthy relationships.

What would you add to my list? I would love to hear your views.

Until next time… your Quarter Wife.

5 thoughts on “Day 18: Sex on the First Date… the Teenage/Young Adult Edition

  1. I hard my son with my boyfriend when I was 20. After that is when I got a proper sex education & learn about contraceptives. I have picked a few tips to pass on to my son when he is a teenager. Hope he will make better decisions with an informed mind. Thank you for the tips.


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