The Quarter Wife

Winter is the season when we have sniffles, the odd sneeze, and the cold. But one disease creeps up in this season, that is frightening, debilitating and requires a lot of time and resources…

THE MAN FLU.. (insert frightening music here)

The Man Flu has been described as almost as painful as labour and being seconds away from death. The following tweets can describe it a whole lot better than I can! Ever.

OMG ‘#ManFlu‘ is hitting me harder than #Covfefe ever could… pic.twitter.com/U0TNOhUgZT

— Dan Moore (@DANandMOORE) June 27, 2017

 

Whoop, whoop, take cover, #ManFlu in the house! 😷🤒 The end of the world has arrived!!! pic.twitter.com/Up3nD4qN1l

— Sue Manniche 🏍 (@kynbelmont) June 27, 2017

 

It has affected us in one way or another, whether having a partner, dad, brother, uncle, grandfather, son, or friend who has been afflicted by this horrendous disease. Here are some steps (for you!) to survive the dreaded Man Flu!

1. Concoctions! Concoctions! Concoctions!

Keep an arsenal of concoctions under your belt, just in case one doesn’t work as fast as it’s supposed to. Stagger them accordingly, so that before he can complain, “it isn’t working”, you’re forcing another one down his throat. It also gives him the appearance that you’re fussing, which makes him feel good.

Hot Toddy

Yep, whiskey does work. And it puts them to sleep. I got this recipe from Epicurious and switched out the bourbon for the whiskey. Whiskey is said to have pain-reducing properties, and of course, the alcohol helps with sleep. But! Do not let him knock too many hot toddies back, because excessive alcohol reduces the quality of sleep, and nothing is worse than a hungover man-flu sufferer!!

1. • 1 oz (2 tablespoons) whiskey
   • 1 tablespoon mild honey
   • 2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
   • 1/4 cup boiling-hot water

Add all the ingredients into a mug, stir until the honey dissolves, and serve.

Guava/Gum tree concoction

My grandmother would make this for me when I’d have a cold. It tastes vile, but it worked. All the time. Take a handful of gum tree leaves, and guava leaves (if you have one but not the other, it’s all right. Works just as well), and boil in 500ml water for at least 20 minutes. Drink a cup at a time while still hot.

Ginger Concoction

Add 1 tablespoon of freshly grated ginger, 1 tablespoon of honey, and a tablespoon of fresh lemon to 1/2 cup boiling water. Steep for 3 minutes, strain and serve.

2. Over The Counter Medications

I swear by Benylin for flu in my house. Besides it having a host of antihistamines that reduce the congestion and the discomfort, it has a host of antihistamines that put the man to sleep! And sleep is key!!! For all of us. Most cough mixtures are over the counter as well (except for Phensedyl and Histalix in Zimbabwe) but overcome the temptation to buy a whole bunch, because our patient claims it’s not working.

3. Warm anything

Make sure that whatever our man-flu sufferers touch is warm! Warm clothes, warm food, warm drinks, warm blankets, warm everything! Warmth is a natural pain reliever and aids in sleep. And sleep… is key!!

4. When all else fails, and the flu is lingering… Doctor!!

This tip helps you the affected in two ways:

One: If he is starting to feel better, and the threat of going to the doctor lingers over his head, he will start trying to do things for himself to show you that he does not need to go to the doctor. The movement allows him to recover just a bit quicker.

Two: If he is feeling no better, you catch a complication of the flu faster, and it doesn’t become worse than it could have.

So when day 4-5 comes around and he is no better, or seems to be getting worse, offer to take him to the doctor.

5. Take. Care. Of. Yourself. Too!!

The genius behind all these tips resulting in sleep for our man-flu sufferer is that you then have time to pamper yourself! Take a long bath, drink some nice wine, watch a movie you love, catch a nap if you have to. Or if it’s at night, sleep as well. This ensures your immune system stays strong because stress will affect your immunity. And we all know that woman-flu is not as bad as man-flu *wink*.

I hope these tips will help you survive the man-flu. As always, if you have anything to add to help us survive this debilitating illness, I am open to comments.

Until next time… Your Quarter Wife.